TO: All Employees
SUBJECT: Special High
In order to assure the highest
levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our
policy to keep all employees well trained through our SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.
If you feel that you do not
receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your manager. You
will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are especially skilled at
seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.
Employees who don't take
their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE
EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.
seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.). Since our
managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and therefore are full of S.H.I.T. already.
If you are full of S.H.I.T.,
you may be interested in a job training others. We can add your name to
our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.). Those who are full of
B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T. jobs and can apply for promotion to DIRECTOR OF
INTENSITY PROGRAMMING (D.I.P. S.H.I.T.).
If you have further questions,
please direct them to our HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH
INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).
BOSS IN GENERAL
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING