"Wisdom begins in wonder."
This is what I call my 'Wizdom'
section. Why it is called that I am not sure, as it is really just a synthesis
of miscellaneous quotes, poems, jokes, etc., aimed to enhance the intellect,
appeal to the sense of humor, or uplift the spirit. Much of this is stuff
I've gathered from e-mail forwards or scattered across the net, while other
stuff I've found elsewhere. Indulge, and let me know what you think =)
"Nearly all men can stand
adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power."
"The definition of a beautiful
woman is one who loves me." -Sloan Wilson
"Whenever you find yourself
on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect." -Mark
"An education isn't how much
you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It's being able
to differentiate between what you know and what you don't." -Anatole
"It is better that ten guilty
escape than one innocent suffer." -William Blackstone
"It is the mark of an educated
mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." -Aristotle
"Love can sometimes be magic.
But magic can sometimes...just be an illusion." -Javan
"Immature love says: 'I love
you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.''
"When you are courting a
nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour. That's relativity." -Albert Einstein
"Caution: Cape does not enable
user to fly." -Batman Costume warning label
"Education is the ability
to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence"
- Robert Frost
"We all live under the same
sky, but we don't all have the same horizon" - Konrad Adenuer
"We have two ears, but only
one mouth, so that we may listen more and talk less" - Zeno (3rd century
"A man's real worth is determined
by what he does when he has nothing to do" - Megiddo Message
"Nobody will ever win the
battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
- Henry Kissinger
"If a man finds himself with
bread in both hands, he should exchange one loaf for some flowers of the
narcissus, because the loaf feeds the body, but the flowers feed the soul"
-Mohammed (ca. 600 A.D.)
"It is better to die on your
feet than to live on your knees!" -Emiliano Zapata
"We are what we repeatedly
do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." -Aristotle
"I argue very well. Ask any
of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any
opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as
a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me." -Dave Barry
"One's mind, once stretched
by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions." -Oliver Wendell
"I gave up on new poetry
myself thirty years ago, when most of it began to read like coded messages
passing between lonely aliens on a hostile world." -Russell Baker
...and of course we can't
"The years teach much which
the days never knew." -Ralph Waldo Emerson
"I'm just driving this way
to piss you off."
"I said "no" to drugs, but
they just wouldn't listen."
"I love cats...they taste
just like chicken"
"Out of my mind. Back in
"Sometimes I wake up grumpy;
Other times I let her sleep"
"I want to die in my sleep
like my grandfather...Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in
"I didn't fight my way to
the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."
"We are born naked, wet and
hungry. Then things get worse."
"Sex on television can't
hurt you... unless you fall off."
"Stop reading this and watch
where you're driving."
"I don't suffer from insanity.
I enjoy every minute of it."
Humor / Jokes
"The word "genius" isn't
applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
-Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback and sports analyst
"It isn't pollution that's
harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that
are doing it." -Dan Quayle
"I love California. I practically
grew up in Phoenix." -Dan Quayle
"I was recently on a tour
of Latin America, and the only regret I have is that I didn't study my
Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people." -Dan
"It is wonderful to be here
in the great state of Chicago..." -Dan Quayle
Beauty is in the eye of the
Did you hear about the dyslexic
Satanist? He sold his soul to Santa.
Did you hear about the dyslexic
Atheist? He didn't believe in dogs.
How does Michael Jackson pick
his nose? From a catalog.
How would you clean a tuba?
Try a tuba toothpaste.
Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers!
Sex Quiz - This is hilarious, take this!
- Check this out, I think it is really funny
Memo - Funny memo regarding S.H.I.T. (Special High Intensity Training)
What Do you get when
you mix a:
-Labrador Retriever + Curly
Coated Retriever = Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists!
-Newfoundland + Basset Hound
= Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors!
-Terrier + Bulldog Terribull
= a dog that makes awful mistakes!
-Bull Terrier + Shitzu =
Here are some selected lyrics
by my all time favorite band in the entire world- Guns N' Roses. They are
not hosted on my site, so you may want to use your right mouse button and
choose "Open Link In New Window" or something similar to that depending
on your browser. That way this page stays as is, and another window will
open with the lyrics in them and you can close that window when you are
finished. For more lyrics by Guns N' Roses, click
My two favorite songwriters from Guns N' Roses are Axl and Izzy, both of
whom put out some of the most eloquent and well written songs I've ever
heard. You don't even have to be a Gn'R fan to appreciate their lyrics.
Other bands I think that
have excellent lyrics are Nirvana
, Blackhawk, and many others of course.
The average chocolate bar has
8 insects' legs in it.
The average human eats 8 spiders
in their lifetime at night.
A cockroach can live nine days
without its head before it starves to death.
A rhinoceros horn is made of
Donald Duck comics were banned
in Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
Shakespeare invented the word
"assassination" and "bump."
Marilyn Monroe had six toes.
The sentence "the quick brown
fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter in the english language.
The word "lethologica" describes
the state of not being able to remember the word you want.
The name of all the continents
end with the same letter that they start with.
Typewriter, is the longest word
that can be made using the letters only one row of the keyboard.
The word racecar and kayak are
the same whether they are read left to right or right to left
American Airlines saved $40,000
in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class
China has more English speakers
than the United States
The longest word in the English
language is 1909 letters long and it refers to a distinct part of DNA.
"I am." is the shortest complete
sentence in the English language
Cats have over one hundred vocal
sounds, dogs only have about ten
Our eyes are always the same
size from birth, but our nose and ears. never stop growing
If Barbie were life-size her
measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches
tall and have a neck twice the length of a normal human's neck.
No word in the English language
rhymes with month
Leonardo Da Vinci invented the
It takes about a half a gallon
of water to cook macaroni, and about a gallon to clean the pot
The most common name in the
world is Mohammed
The first toilet ever seen on
television was on "Leave It to Beaver".
Frank Lloyd Wright's son invented
Short Course In Human Relations - Very brief, yet very true.
10 Commandments of Flirting - Hm..heh! It is worth a look anyway.
Gullible Are We? - This is great! Read it!
Philosophies - Just some ideas!
Read This - I don't know why I have this (heh), but if you are a woman
Books - Take a look at some of these, you may be surprised.
The Chicken Crossed The Road - What some of the greatest minds have
Tips - Several helpful quick tips courtesy of Maxim Magazine.
Gimme Some Wizdom!
Do you have a nugget o' wizdom
that you would like to share? Go ahead and
it to me!